- Ahh. - Ahh.
Nah. [ Chuckles ] A real stumper, huh?
- Yeah, a fuckin´ head scratcher. - A fuckin´ head scratcher.
Fuckin´ head scratcher, mate.
You know, I got some pals down at the D.A.´s office.
Always looking for a good head scratcher.
Now,Jerry, you never told me you had a grandson.
I don´t.
[Laughing]
Hello, Dale, love. How are you?
- What you gonna do tonight, Kippy? - Gonna watch SportsCenter.
You´re gonna watch SportsCenter,
and you´re gonna see ifWinchell is still out with the knee thing.
[Jerry]Andifhe´sstiIIout with the knee thing,
we gotta change the spread on Detroit, right?
- Right. - So what are you gonna do?
- I´m gonna watch SportsCenter. - Go home. Watch it. Go.Tonight.
- Good night. - [CarDoorSIams, EngineStarts]
- Oh, beautiful. Lovely. Flat tire. - Oh, thesharkhassuch teeth
- Kippy? Kippy! - It shows thempearIy whites
- This isjust lovely. - Just ajackknife
- Has oIdMacHeath, babe -Just lovely.
Andhe keepsit out ofsight
- Ah! - You know when thatsharkbite
With his teeth babe
ScarIet biIIowsstart to spread
FancygIoves, though wears oIdMacHeath, babe
So there´snever nevera trace ofred
Nowon thesidewaIk, huh, huh
Ooh Sundaymorning, uh-huh
Liesa body
Just oozin´Iife, eek
Andsomeone´s sneakin´
´Roundthe corner
CouIdthatsomeone be Mack the Knife
Nine!
[ Announcer ] And the sixth.
- Twenty-seven! - Ooh, twenty-seven.
What the heIIis she up to?
You´re not smart enough to pull a thing like this off.
Balls arejust laying there.
Hey.
- [ Chuckling ] How are you? - Hey!
Hey, you´re that, uh-- you´re the, uh--
- Weatherman. - Oh, shit!
- Hey, I watch you every night! - Yeah? Thankyou.
- Let me give you a hand with that. - No, it´s okay.
- I insist! - I can carry my own groceries.
Wow, man! It must be great having a job like yours, no?
Well, it, uh, it pays the bills.
Nah, you guysjust read a bunch ofcrap from cards, right?
Cold in the east, a storm right. It looks like rain. Aah!
It´s more complicated than that.
Let me askyou-- I´m trying to plan my birthday in a couple of months.
Can you tell me if it´s going to be a nice day?
Oh, right, hey, nice meeting you.
Always great to know a fan. Your name was?
- Dale. - Dale.
- Yeah. - The thug?
So, Russ, I just want to apologize about the last time we spoke.
I wasn´t really feeling good. I was feeling sort ofvulnerable.
I had fear issues come up, being arrested and all.
- Oh, yeah. - Plus, I was drinking,
which I´m really not supposed to do, you know, on the medication.
- Oh, I see. - Can I have some ofthese?
- Yeah, go ahead. - You know, it wasn´t a good moment.
I just wanted to make an amends.
Hey, listen, don´t you worry.
The truth is, I should be apologizing to you.
I was gonna call about the $1 0,000, but the station got so busy.
Don´t worry about the ten grand, Russell.
- It´s water under the bridge. - Really? Wow!
I didn´t know that. All right then.
Okay, let´s celebrate.
Yeah, because the newnumber Ihave in mindisabout haIfa miI.
[Spits]
[ Clears Throat ]
Come here, Russ.
- I rather not. - Russ, come sit down.
- No, no. - Russ, sit the fuck down!
Okay.
Unfortunately, Russell, we have a new wrinkle in the situation.
Oh, really? What´s the wrinkle?
Basically I had to play pinata withJerry the bookie´s skull.
- That ups the invoice a little. - Is he okay?
- No, he´s dead. - Oh! Oh, God.
You know, okay.
I´m really uncomfortable with this kind ofconversation.
You know, not to mention,
I broke my 1 986 World Series commemorative bat.
- Oh, yeah? - It was a gift from my mother.
She´s gettin´ a little old, and she´s not feeling good these days.
- Hasn´t left the house in 6 weeks. - Okay, just give me--
You killed Jerry the bookie with a bat?
It´s not like a half mil is gonna hurt you with that lottery ticket.
- Get me the money, Russ. - Ohh!
Great, Gig. We gotta talk about this.
I´ll fuckin´ ball-bat you, you creep cocksucker.
Okay, okay.
Okay. [ Coughing ]
- Mint Listerine? - Yeah.
- When did they come out with this? - I don´t know.
- Is it good? - Yeah, it´s good.
[ Tires Screeching ]
Look,justgive thisDaIeguy a IittIe extra money.
- It´s better than losing it all. - Better than being dead too.
Crystal, he hits people with commemorative bats!
He´s not gonna hit you with a bat. He´s your friend.
- What? - Wanna see thejacket I got?
He´s not my friend. I just met this guy. How can he be my f--
- Look-- $900. - [Sighs]
Made in Italy. I´m not screwing around anymore.
If it wasn´t on a boat, I don´t want it.
Stop buying things from Italy. You are not a millionaire.
We-- We are not millionaires.
The first thing we gotta do is find a reliable, non-asthmatic person...
to cash in this ticket A.S.A.P., or we´re dead.
Funny you should mention that.
- I think I have another candidate. - Oh, yeah? Who?
This guy that I was seeing when I was waitressing at the racetrack.
IthinkhestiII works there too. A reaIsweetguy.
Bought me a really expensive parrot, too, from Brazil or something.
My cat bit its head off.
You hated that fucking bird, didn´t you, sweetie?
The racetrack, eh.
WeII, actuaIIy, he´san unofficiaIempIoyee.
He injects horses with some shit that makes them run faster.
Forget it. Crosshim offthe Iist. Forget him. Who eIse?
There is Scatter, the guy who installed my carpet.
- I went to high school with him. - The man´s name is Scatter?
Yeah, well, he´s a total coke freak,
which could work in our favor because he usually needs money.
No, junkies are problematic. Let´s keep thinkin´.
Mm-hmm.
- Wanna have sex? - Oh, yeah.
You know, I-- I wasjust feeling good that day.
Yeah. I, uh--
I don´t know what to say. I´m at a loss, boy.
I´m at a total loss.
I mean, here you are, supposedly injured, all right?
You´re collecting your lieutenant´s salary and full disability.
I didn´t even want to do this. Matt had to talk me into it.
You know how stupid I felt?
The lower back, it´s an enigma.
Pat, I´m gonna be straight with you.
Obviously I have alternatives to pursue, but I´m not gonna...
because-- ´cause I don´t want this getting out.
All right? It makes everybody look bad.
But from now on, you are back on full patrol.
Here. Get started with this.
- A missing person´s case? - Yeah, a bookie.
Jerry Green. No one´s seen him for about a week.
Huh.Jeez.
- What happened to him? - Idon´t know, Pat.
That´s what you´re supposed to find out.
Right. All right.
We talked earlier about the fact there´s a shortage ofwading pools.
Dick? Judy said you wanted to see me.
Oh, hey, sport. Have a seat. Be right with you.
- [ChuckIing] - Is that Chuck Rhodes?
This guy kills me.
- I found Crystal too. - Hiya, kid.Judy, close the door.
- Okay. - Thanks.
- What´s going on? - [Laughing]
[TV. Off]
- So, Russ, how´s the finances? - What?
- The finances.
- W-- Great. - Good.
- You seemed in a bind last time. - Well, that was then.
Terrific. And how are you, honey? We haven´t talked in a while.
- Did you know May left me? -Jeez, I´m so sorry about that.
- Life´s tough. - And how.
- But you seem to be doing well. - I´m great.
Why wouldn´t you be great, with a friend like Russ here?
- Yeah. Look at that, huh? - Oh, jeez.
Oh, boy.
How ´bout that?
Don´t saya word, not one.
´Cause if I hear one comment like, ''What are you talking about?´´...
- I´m gonna call the cops. - What?
Wh-What doyou mean?It sIippedout. We´re Iistening. Go ahead.
I chewed on it for three days,
and I´m convinced I have evidence to fuckyou both up big time.
Bull. You don´t have any evidence. What is that?
- Stop it. Shut up. Youshut up. - Youshut up.
Shut up! No. That´s bullshit.
Dick, you have the floor. You have the floor.
- Go ahead. - Short and sweet.
I want halfthe money,
orI´IIhaveyou arrested, and Imight even do it on air, Iive.
- Imagine the ratings. - I´d like to see you try, asshole.
- You´re gonna see me. - I´ll kill you, I swear to God!
- I´m gonna kill you! - You treacherous little bitch!
You got one week to get your shit together.
- You listening? I want the money. - [DoorSIams]
Okay. Okay. Okay, let´s do a little math.
You want 20 percent, Dale wants halfa million,
and Dick wants halfofeverything.
I don´t have a calculator, but it seems I´m in debt again!
Dale´s money comes out ofyour share. He´s your friend.
- Not my friend. He´s his friend. - I hardly know the man.
Who cares? It´s all fuckin´ moot now.
The onIything that´smoot to me is the DickSimmonsissue.
You get a toothache, you pull the tooth.
What does that mean?
- Let´s kill the son ofa bitch. - Oh, God!
- [CrystaI] Yes! - No!
One call to Dale, we´re back on track.
Absolutely! Let´s do it.
What is wrong with you?
He threatened us. Just remember that.
- It is extortion. - Does that mean he´s gotta be dead?
- We´re not giving him our money. - What money?
That worthless scrap ofshit? Yeah, okay.
Maybe it´s time foryour friend, the drug-addicted carpet installer.
- Oh, Scatter. - Scatter! Yeah! He could help.
This is killing me. I have slept five hours this whole week.
- Oh, God, here we go. - I have dandruffwith big flakes.
I´ve gained two pounds!
Listen to my voice. I´m losing my instrument.
Shouting isn´t helping.
- [Woman]Hey, Gig? - Yeah?
There´s a couple ofcops in the club asking foryou.
- I´IIbe right in. - Oh, great!
Cops in the club. I´ve always wanted to give an inmate fame.
They kill the celebrities first, and then they fuck ´em in the butt.
Will you just relax, please? There are cops always in this club.
They´reprobabIyjust arranging an engagementpartyorsomething.
-Just hold on a tick. - Yeah.
[Stereo] Toe to toe
Dancing verycIose
-Bodybreathing - [Gig] Goodevening, Officers.
- What can I do foryou? - Are you the owner?
Yes, I am. Gig.
Gig, doyou knowaguy bythe name ofJerry Green?
He apparently is known to come in here.
Yeah,Jerry the bookie. Comes in here all the time.
Has he been in here lately, because, I mean,
nobody´s seen this guy around for a while.
Ah...
about a week ago, I think.
Huh.
Back to back
SacroiIiac
SpineIessmovement
- Anda wiIdattack - You wanna get back to this?
- Maybe ask another question or two? - Yeah, yeah.
Where...do you find girls like that?
I mean, who´d do that kind ofstuff?
Well, you know, it´s remarkably easy.
You´dbesurprised.
These two, I believe, we imported from upstate New York.
I was gonna say, they seem like...Albany girls.
Uh, so, anyway, wejust wantedto drop by...
and find out ifyou´ve seen this guy.
Well, I´ll let you know.
Although, withJerry, he could be shacked up anywhere.
He´s a bookie, for Christ´s sake.
It was nothing. Nothing. The word ''lotto´´ never even came up.
- See, Mr. Crazy Man? - Thank God!
- They were checking onJerry. - They asked aboutJerry?
- Yeah, yeah. It wasjust routine. - Not routine.
It´s called a murder investigation.
No, trust me. Dale took care ofeverything.
They´ll find a cure for cancer before they find Jerry.
[MaIeAnnouncer]Live from HarrisburgandNews CenterSix.
Covering Harrisburg, New York, LancasterandLebanon,
it´s News at Five with Dan Shuff, HeidiZimmer...
and Russ Richards with the weather.
This is News at Five.
Our top story tonight:
The body ofa local bookmaker was found floating in the river today.
Police say it was foul play and are following leads.
More on that story in a moment.
First, let´s check in with the weather center...
to see ifwe can expect more of these spring-like temperatures.
Russ?
Oh, yeah?
- How about these temperatures? - What?
The uncommonly warm weather-- will it continue?
- Russ? - Russ?
Uh, um, wh-what was that question?
Thanks, Russ.
Well, it seems like we can keep those thermal socks in the closet...
for the time being then.
That´s right, Dan.
Police are calling it...
the crudest attempt to dispose ofa body in recent memory.
Jerry Green of Linglestown...
was apparently bludgeoned to death...
and then dropped into the river with a brick taped to one wrist.
This was insufficient weight to keep the corpse submerged.
[ Sighs ]
What time did they pull this bookie out ofthe river?
Scotty told me around 6:00. Ted told me 8:00.
It´s like a fucking guessing game.
They pulled him at 6:00 and bagged him at 8:00.
Was he nude? Somebody said he had a T-shirt on.
Why don´t you get offyour ass and check the reports, man?
I´m goin´ with nude.
I´m so glad this thing is finally over.
What does that mean?
We don´t have to look for this guy anymore.
Gee, wouIdn ´t it begreat ifwe foundout who kiIIedhim?
I realize that entails more work, but I´m just thinkin´ out loud.
Hasit everoccurredtoyou, Chambers, that he wasdrunk...
and hejust slipped offthe bridge?
Hmm? A IittIe thing caIIedan accident.
Why is everybody around here so foul-play happy?
The man was bludgeoned to death, Lakewood!
His skull was bashed in, he had a plastic bag over his head...
and duct tape around his neck.
Keep going.
[Man On TV] You´re in a verysmaII, seIectgroup ofguys.
What is it that makesyousuccessfuI...
andaIIthe others knocking on the doorsnotso successfuI?
[Man #2]I´m notso sure.
AsItraveI, Isee teIevisionguys who wouIdmakegoodgameshowhosts.
- But Idon´t teII ´em. - [Laughter]
To me, agameshowhost is the icing on the cake.
But the format is the cake. No one--
[Man TaIking]
I´IIIoveyou tiIIthe dayIdie.
Yes! And again.
[Man]At2.15 that afternoon, Johnny CIay--
[TVContinues, Faint]
- He´s expecting me. - Come in.
I don´t know why I did it.
It all unraveled and then one thing happened after another.
Jesus. I´m stiIIin shock, boss.
I´m in so much trouble, Larry.
No man becomes wise without stepping on the soil offools.
Right. Right!
But I never claimed to be a--
That´s good. Where did you get that? Is that from the Bible?
It´s from this play I wrote in eighth grade about Evel Knievel.
- Oh. - What are you gonna do?
Well, I have a plan, I do.
But I need money. I need it fast.
I was thinking about that guy who wanted the snowmobiles.
- Yeah. - You think he´s still interested?
Yeah, I think so, but you´d have to find some way to deliver ´em.
Set it up. Set...it...up.
- [ Dick ] $1 00,000? - That´s right.
You wanna sell me a lotto ticket worth $6.4 million for $1 00,000?
Correct. I want out.
However, this is a one-time-only offer, Dick.
I want the money, I want it tonight at the station.
If I hear any excuses, any bullshit like, ''I can only get part of it´´...
or ''I need more time,´´ the deal is off.
- Be reasonable. It´ll take days-- - Deal´s off.
- I´ll get it, I´ll get it. - Good decision.
[ Russ ] Now, I believe that I have solved all ofour problems.
[ Crystal ] What century is this guy in?
Put a motor on it,Jake!
Ayear and a half behind this freak.
One, I found a buyer for the snowmobiles, a guy in Colorado.
I´m rentinga traiIer, andI´mgonna deIiverthem myseIf.
- But why Colorado? - But, uh, uh!
Number two: the lotto ticket. I sold it to Dick.
- Hundredgrand. It´shisprobIem. - I don´t think so.
Numberthree, which isprobabIy the most important ofaII,
I´m Ieaving tonight forgood.
Now, questions?
[ Tires Screech ]
You fucked up the whole thing! You screwed it all up!
- Stop it! - You brain-damaged fool!
God, and I picked out a car and everything!
Hey, now listen.
If I didn´t do this, we´d be in jail or at the river bottom...
- with bricks taped to our wrists. - [ Groans ]
- And you know it. - Oh, my God. You´re so stupid.
- Oh! - Oh, Crystal.
- We are under surveillance. - Oh, yeah?
Yes. Last night I stopped by a convenience store.
A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in...
and then he pretended to get a cup ofcoffee!
Did he pretend to get a doughnut?
- Oh, you know-- - You are nuts!
- You need to see a psychiatrist. - Oh, I´m nuts?
- You can´t handle this! - What about this little puppy?
There´s enough mist in this thing to save ten masturbators!
[Rock]
Ain ´t no big thing to wait--
- That´s an ugly turn ofevents. - Mm-hmm.
- Mmm! What is this? - [Continues, Faint]
Schnapps? What, am I in third grade?
- Can I have a drink, please? - Let´s talk this through, shall we?
You´re saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom,
- Yeah. - sold the ticket for a 1 00 grand.
Can you believe it? A $6 million ticket!
- I´ve got more brains in my...shoe! - [GIass Shatters]
Russ never really had the stomach for this sort ofthing, did he?
I do, and I want that ticket back, and I want Dick Simmons dead!
Doyou hearme?
Fine. Fine.
Speed dial. I love it.
And I want his head cut offso I can hang it from my rearview mirror!
- That´sjust your anger talking. - Yeah.
Dale. Dale, it´s Gig.
- His machine. - Oh.
Um, see, things have got a little bit sticky over here.
Slight change of plans, nothing that your deft touch couldn´t rectify.
So either swing by or call back. That´d be marvelous.
- Thankyou. - Great.
- Slight snag though. - What?
WeII, DaIe-- bIesshim-- hasbeen doing favorafterfavorforus.
If it´s not one thing, it´s the other. So--
- So what´s your point? - [ Sighs ]
If he´s gets the ticket back for us, we´ll have to give him more money.
- No. No way. N-O. - That would only be fair.
There is a limit to my classiness.
- Quite obviously. - Shut up!
I´ll handle this. You just leave Dale out of it.
Bunch of morons. I have to do everything myself!
- Hi. - Well, well, well. Look who it is.
An old face from the past. What´s on your mind, gorgeous?
- Oh, just wanted to say hello. - Really? That´s sweet.
´Cause the last time we chatted, I believe you threatened to kill me.
Gee, has something changed since then?
You really did outsmart us, didn´t you? Screwed us royally.
- I´m impressed, Dick. - I´m like a lion that way.
I hide in the weeds, bide my time,
then I jump out and tear the ass offsome dumb buffalo.
Ooh. So, Mr. Lion,
how are you gonna cash in that ticket?
I´ll think ofsomething. Don´t lose any sleep over it.
Believe me, honey, I sleep like a baby,
´cause the second you try to cash in that little fucker,
I´mgoing to the Iotterycommission andteIIthem everything.
Ifyou didthat, I´dratyou out quickerthan a frog canpiss.
Mmm.
- What do you want? - Halfsies.
Half.
Have you been exercising? ´Cause you look great.
Deal.
Nothing like rekindling an old friendship.
Hey, that´s him. Wagstaff.
- Wagstaff? - Yes, Wagstaff.
Are you sure?
Light hair, 6´2´ Iiveshere. You needanything eIse?
- Doeshe have a record? - YoushouIdreadthe report.
Wagstaffwas overheardbragging about the bookie´smurderin a bar.
Oh, what ajerk.
You know what would be unfortunate?
Ifwe got into that whole let´s-follow-him rigmarole.
- [Tires Screeching] - Oh, perfect.
[ Grunting ]
Oh, man! It´s getting cold out, huh?
I never realized how heavy these were.
K.C.-inducted engines, twin carbs.
Just touch that throttle and boom!
It´s like gettin´ a chick off.
- That wasn´t your sales pitch. - Oh, yeah.
You actually said that to people?
Well, you know, just, like, biker types.
Huh.
Hey, Russ.
Checkit out.
I don´t believe it.
I thought you called for partly cloudy and pleasant tonight.
A backdoor cold front.
- A what? - A backdoor cold front. Rare.
Almost impossible to predict.
The atmosphere-- a beautiful yet fickle beast she is.
Is that from the Evel Knievel play?
Yup.
[ Sighs ]
[ Engine Backfires ]
[Backfires]
[Chambers] Where in the heIIishegoing?
Beats me.
He´s definitely up to something. Definitely.
We shouIdcaIIforbackup. You know, it neverhurts.
You know, backup, it´s like an old friend.
It´s like an old sweatshirt you slip into on a cold night.
Are you listening, Chambers? Get your head out ofthe clouds!
- Hey. - [ Moans ]
Hey, wake up.
Come on. Wake up.
- Fuck it. - [ Crystal Screams ]
- What? - Wake the fuck up!
- What is this? - What do you want?
- You know what I want. - My wallet. Take the $50 out.
And don´t hurt me! I´m just sleeping over.
- Where´s the ticket? - What ticket?
- Gig sent you? - The tooth fairy sent me, Twiggy.
- Who do you think? - Hey, please leave.
Don´t fuckin´ play games with me.
I´m hopped up on wine coolers and antidepressants. I don´t feel good.
- Where is it? - I don´t know.
- You don´t know? - No, I don´t know.
- Do you like baseball? - What?
- Do you like baseball? - Yes.
- Who´syourfavoritepIayer? - Ted Williams.
Ted Williams. He had some swing. It was sort of like this.
[ Both Screaming ]
No, hey, hey. Hold on.
Just take it easy. I´m gonna call for backup.
- I´m gonna go around the back. - No, you´re in cowboy mode.
Stop that! Wait forbackup.
Oh, shit. Shit.
Shit!
- We speaking the same language? - I´m gonna give him the ticket.
It´s not worth it. Life´s too precious.
Good girl. That´s all I ask for, a little cooperation.
- Here´s cooperation, you shit! - Aaah! Ooh!
- Oh! - Aah! Aah.
- [DoorSIams] - Police! Freeze!
Don´t shoot! No, no! There´s a raving crazy guy up there!
Just go kill him.
Aah! Ohh!
Lakewood, I´m hit!
- Huh? Say what? - Don´t Iet him through!
Aah!
[CrystaI]Somebody!
Get me a fucking robe!
- Isn ´t it ironic? - Yeah, ironic.
Just another wordforsaying You´regettingscrewed.
Butso what, right? It´saIIovernowanyway.
In a while, bim-bam-boom, I´ve got this town in the rearview mirror.
- Hey, take me with you, boss. - What?
- Yeah, a little Colorado road trip. - No, no, Larry.
Come on. Let me go.
I´m practically a fugitive. I can´t take you with me.
Well, Russ, today, yeah,
I´m an authorized Yamaha sales associate,
but tomorrow I´m just another guy...
boxing peanut butter cups at Hershey.
Come on, Russ. I have faith in you, man.
You would just drop everything to come with me?
Yeah, let the word go forth--
the Russ Richards freight train is about to leave the station.
New horizons, new conquests.
- Ready to kick some new ass. - Bob Barker, watch out.
Russ Richards is headin´ west.
Now let´s see what´s behind door number three. Whoo-hoo!
You brought me fame andfortune andeverything thatgoes with it
Ithankyou aII
- Come on. - This wiIIbe no bedofroses
All right, I´ll take the first eight hours.
- Ever driven one ofthese things? - Nope.
Iconsiderit a chaIIenge before the human race andIneverIose
All right. Here we go.
Hey. Yeah, baby. [Laughing]
We are the champions
My friends
And we´IIkeep on fighting
TiIIthe end
Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!
- Whoo! - We are the champions
We are the champions
No time forIosers
´Cause we are the champions
- So far, so good. Let´s go. - [GearShifts]
[LoudCrashing]
I´m not gonna look.
- I think that´s a good idea. - Yup.
[ Chattering ]
- Easy, easy. - I got it.
Let´sget him up.
- Dick, where´s the ticket? - [ Moans ]
- Answer me. - He can´t. He´s been sedated.
Why did you do that? Oh!
Fuck.
Here.
Oh.
- Thankyou. - That was very brave tonight.
- Yeah. - He was an animal.
No shit, the fucking creep. Oops. Excuse my French.
Um, can I give you a lift...
to the hospital?
Why? I´m fine.
No, I meant, to be with Mr. Simmons.
Oh, right. Yeah.
It´s kinda late, and I have a lot to do in the morning, early.
- Stuff. - Mm-hmm.
Well, we might need some more information, and, uh,
uh, I might call you.
I´m available.
- Fantastic. - Okay. Can I go now?
- Sure. - Thankyou.
[Man] Get him out ofhere.
Hey, Chambers.
All right, hang on just a second.
[ Loudly ] How you feeling, partner?
I´d feel a lot better if I could get to the hospital. Make this quick.
We´re all gonna pull you through this, all right?
Positive attitude-- that´s everything.
Hey, pal, he got shot in the leg. I think he´ll be fine.
Let´s hope so. Be careful with him!
[ Larry ] What are you doing?
I´m trying to disconnect this so we can get out of here.
[Radio Buzzes]
[FemaIe Dispatcher] Base to CarSix.
[ Groans ] What?
Got ajackknifedtractor-traiIer at Route22 in Devonshire.
- You´re about a miIe away. - [ Sighs ]
Great. Now I got another 20,000 forms to fill out.
[ Grunting ] Why do they make these things out of metal?
Uh, I think it´s twisted.
No, it´s coming. It´s coming!
- Oh, I don´t know, Russ. - It´s coming!
Shit! Fuck!
Why-- Why the hell is it snowing now?
Why the fuck is it snowing now? Fuck! Fuck!
- [Siren WaiIing] - Uh-oh.
Don´t say a word without a lawyer, even ifthey beat you.
- Stay strong. - Not tonight. Nobody´s beating me.
You get out of here. I don´t want you mixed up in this.
- If I go tojail, I´m goin´ alone. - Wait!
Your money´s in your briefcase!
Don´t do it! Don´t take that sled. It´s a piece ofshit.
Take the 4-40! Excellent power-to-weight ratio.
- What? - Two-year unlimited warranty!
- An onboardtooIkit! - Okay! Fine!
This beauty is built foryou!
- Hand warmers, halogen lights! - Shut your trap. I got it!
No! Pull the choke. The lines are dry.
- No, don´t flood it. - You said pull the choke.
Finesse. Like getting a chick off. We went over this!
- [ Engine Rewing ] - All right, you fellas.
It looks like you´re in need ofsome assistance.
- Get back! - Huh?
- Back off! - Huh?
Isaidback off, motherfucker!
Hey. Hey!
Ho! Oh, man!
Give me the case.
Whoo! Hoo-hoo!
Whoa!
Hail Yamaha.
Ah,Jesus Christ!
This night never ends.
[ Grunts ]
[ Siren Wailing ]
Let me Ioose, Ijustgot back
- I waspushedandIgot dragged - Okay, kids!
Now it´s time to play the snowmobile game,
with your host, Russ Richards!
Destination anywhere
So fargone, I´m aImost there
Can´tyousee, Ican´t deny
I´m outta here Iike I´m on fire
Livin´Iike an animaI, criminaI
TeIevision newsman so subIiminaI
Bringing down the waIIs ofwonderIand
Ohh!
Just anotherhighbrowcowboy teIIin´me everythingandeveryone
AndaIIthe thingsIoughta be
- Here IamyourdemoIition man - Oh, jeez! Aaah!
[Woman]Russ?Russ.
- Russ. - No.
- Russ! - Oh, my God.
How you feelin´?
- Yougotprettybangedup there. - That´s beautiful.
We figured you´d be up in a minute. You were singing ''My Way.´´
You are so funny. You´re as funny in a coma as you are on TV.
- I can´t believe I´m alive. - One more.
You get it? Okay, you have a visitor outside.
I´m gonna get your dinner, and I´ll be back in a minute, okay?
- Okay. Bye. - Yeah?
- Okay, bye-bye. - Bye.
- Officer, please don´t upset him. - I´m not gonna upset him.
You´re in big trouble, mister.
- No. Oh, God. - Yup.
- You´re gonna have to pay for it. - I told them, Officer.
I said it was stupid at the start, but nobody listened to me.
That´s good. Remorse. Nice candy.
´Cause, for starters, we´re looking at three big ones.
Oh, God! Three big-- Three years?
Three hundred dollars.
What?
For the windshield.
PIus, there´s this IittIe baby right here.
You´ll have to put that together with tape, but it still counts.
- This-- This is a ticket. - Yeah.
For operating a class-two vehicle without a license. Weight class two.
Can´t this wait? Mr. Richards is suffering from a concussion.
- We´re talking. - There´s nothin´ on it.
My pen ran out of ink.
Officer, IreaIIymust insist.
From doing paperwork all night, between you and saving your boss.
- My boss? - Dick Simmons.
- He´s right down the hall here. - Wh-Why is he here?
Some thug broke into his house.
Broke his legs with a bat. Officer, please.
- Boom. - Was it-- Was it Dale the thug?
WeII, Idon´t know. Somejerk with apIaidshirt.
But don´t worry. [ Imitating Gunfire ]
I killed him.
Oh, jeez, that´sjust--
- Come on. Thankyou. - [ Crowd Clamoring ]
Back, back, back, back!
- Scoot!Scoot! - Yes!
[ Stifled Chuckling ] I can´t stand it. Yes!
[LoudCIattering]
What?
[ Blubbering ]
Dick, I´m back.
This is the lightning round. I´m calling the shots now.
- Quiet, I´m trying to ski. - Look, I got your money.
I´m gonna give it back, but I need the ticket. Where´s the ticket?
It´s my show--
This is the plan. I´m docking you for being an asshole.
And I´m docking Gig for having people killed.
And I´m docking Crystal for being a twisted, psycho bitch!
Starting today, I decide where the money goes.
Ifanyone doesn´t like it, we´re all going tojail.
- [ Gasps ] - You give me that ticket.
Where is it? Where is the ticket?
I-- I gave it to Larry King.
Uh, no--
Got to learn to share your toys!
[Dan] Thesearch is over.
The winnerofIast month´s $6.4miIIion Iotteryjackpot...
hasfinaIIysteppedforward.
She´sa waitressat a IocaIDenny´s right here in Harrisburg.
PennsyIvania ´snewest muItimiIIionaire is Wendy Fawcett.
Thankyou so much! I don´t know what to say.
I´ve never won anything before in my life.
[ Woman ] Wendy, what are you gonna do with the money?
I´m going to put some in savings and some of it in checking.
And the rest I´ll be sharing with a good friend.
- And who´s that? - I´m not telling you! [ Cackling ]
And we´re giving a lot of it away to the Big Brothers,
the Sunshiny Day Club, Asthma--
- [Man]Doyou have asthma? - No.
But many people out there do.
Wendy, how did you pick the numbers you played?
- How did I what? - How did you choose the numbers?
Oh, I get what you´re saying.
Okay, I get it, I get it! Um, wow.
Uh, let´s see, uh,
seventy-- seventy isbecause...
a cheeseburger deluxe with bacon...
is 70 cents extra.
And, um, 1 6--
When I was 1 6, I went to a party.
And, uh, nine--
Well, nine, we all know, isjust lucky.
Oh, man. And, um,
seven is-- Ihaveseven Barbies,
not incIuding the ones thatgot theirface chewedoff...
bythe next doorneighbor´s dog, who´sjustsuch agreat dog.
[Russ Narrating] There it is-- a storyto teIIyourgrandchiIdren.
WeII, maybe not.
DickSimmons wasfiredfrom WTPA...
aftercaIIing the networkhead ''the Iuckiest asshoIe on Earth. ´'
He nowteaches communications at Pocono Community CoIIege.
Ethics.
CrystaImarriedanddivorced a sickIy80-year-oIdmiIIionaire...
andsuedhim forhaIfhismoney.
She testifiedhe wasa SvengaIi,
a wordshe mispronounced throughout the triaI.
He was like-- like this ''Svenjelly.´´
[Russ]She Iost the case.
You´re making my dreams come true
She worksat Gig´s five nightsa week.
No covercharge, free buffaIo wings with coupon.
Thirty-nine!
Gigbought an obscurestock caIIedMicrosoft in 1990.
He nowdivideshis time between Harrisburgandhis estate in Monaco.
Listen to this
I´ve done aIImy daydreamin´
Oh, thatsIeep waIk shouIdbe overbynow
Asforme, Imovedto St. Augustine, FIorida,
where it hasn ´t snowedin 50years.
- [ Engine Starts ] - Andyou know what?
Iauditioned, andI wasback on TV.
[MaIeAnnouncer]Andnowit´s time topIaynorth FIorida cabIe´s...
second-mostpopuIargameshow, Lucky Numbers,
withyourhost, RussRichards.
- Hey! How are ya? - [Audience Cheering]
Thankyou. Thankyou so much.
Hey. What a great-looking audience.
My goodness, I´d love to take you home with me tonight.
How ´bout it? Tonight, after the show?
Dinnerfor250? Okay.
I´ll make the margaritas. All right, now...
[Narrating] You know, sometimes I waIkpast an appIiancestore...
with 45 TVsets in the window, andI´m on everyone of´em.
At times Iike that, Isayto myseIf, ''Whyme?´'
Imean, ''Whyme?´'
IfIhadto answerthe question, I´dhave to say, 'Just Iucky. ´'
You´re making my dreams come true Doo-ooh, doo-doo, doo-doo
Nights were warm
Dreams were easy
No onestandin´
Overhead
Conversation
Didn ´t mean much
We were hungry but we couIdnot be fed
Radio bIastin´
SiIIy IittIe Iovesongs
We onIy Iistenedforthe beat
Takin´ourchances
Out there on the mean streets
Hiding in theshadows from the heat
From the heat
We weren´t Iovers
Just bravestrangers
As we fought and we tumbIed through the night
We werepIayers
Not arrangers
And wejammed tiIIthe dawn ´s earIy Iight
Swimming in the big Iake
Taking it easy
Takinganycomfort we couIdfind
Didn ´t needthe reaItruth
Didn ´t needthe meaning
Straight ahead Ignoring everysign
Everysign
And, oh, Iremember
Iknowyou do too
Oh, that one evening
Iknowyou do too
The moon flyin´high
[Chorus] The moon flyin´high
- Andyou tookmyhand - Ooh
Ooh-ooh
You tookmyhand
Ooh-ooh
Andit went aIIright
It went aIIright
Oh
So we waIkedout
HardIyspeaking
Disappearing
In the night
Saweach other
A fewtimesafter
But we neverreaIIygot it right
We weren´t Iovers
Just bravestrangers
As we roIIedand we tumbIed through the night
We werepIayers
Not arrangers
And wejammed tiIIthe dawn ´s earIy Iight
- Just bravestrangers - EarIy Iight
- Just bravestrangers - Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh-oh
Whoa-oh
Yeah
[Woman] Ican´t wait togo to heaven
Before Iget mybig reward
IfI´mgoodIcouId
That´s what theyteIIme I´ve been workin´for
When Iprove that Ican do it
That´s when I´IIget mybig reward
Keep that big wheeIturnin´
Andmynumber wiIIcome up forsure
I´mgonnaget mybig reward
Wannaget mybig reward
Wanna have it aIIsewn up
Before I´m aIIgrown up
Gonnaget mybig reward
Right now
Nevermindthe odds against us
I won´t give up mybig reward
We have to take ourchances
Wegot apIan and we can make a score
I´mgonnaget mybig reward
Wannaget mybig reward
Wanna have it aIIsewn up
Before I´m aIIgrown up
Gonna get my big reward
Right now